Blame the Blood
by mzsharboneau
Summary: Kodlak named her Harbinger; a title Jenna felt most unworthy of. Can Vilkas convince her that Kodlak chose right, or will Jenna's guilt eat away at her for allowing her beast blood to take control of her? T because talk of blood lust. Just being safe. Constructive criticism welcome, reviews are love!


**Blame it on the Blood**

 **By Mzsharboneau**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but Jenna.**

 **Note: I have been working on a big story project that who knows how long will take. This is another light Vilkas/Jenna story to help me vent and get over writer's block. Hope you all enjoy! Jenna is having some doubts about being the Harbinger, Vilkas sets her straight.**

The Bannered Mare was packed tonight. Not only were there the normal patrons but the Companions as well. It was two days after they had put Kodlak's spirit to rest, he could now sit at the tables of Sovngarde. That was enough cause for rejoicing, and they should have been celebrating up at Jorrvaskr; regretfully a few of the whelps had caused too much of a ruckus and Telma had ejected them all from its halls. So here they were, drinking mead and singing along to Mikael's rendition of Ragnar the Red.

Jenna sat back against the wall at one of the little tables alone, she watched the festivities with a sad smile. It was indeed a glorious thing that they had saved Kodlak's soul, but then he had to go and do something worthy of Sheogorath's insanity; he had made her Harbinger. The title did not sit right with her, not when she had only been with the Companions for less than a year. Jenna did not feel worthy of the post, not when Aela and Vilkas were far better suited and had been part of the circle for so long. Vilkas was practically born to be a leader, he would have been perfect, and yet….

She sighed, Vilkas had told her he trusted her. The white-haired Nord would have believed him too, if not for the rage that he had displayed towards her when she had returned from the Glenmore witches coven. He had blamed her for Kodlak's death, she hadn't been there to defend Jorrvaskr with her shield siblings, not to mention it had been her and Aela's fault that the Silver Hand had even attacked in the first place. No, Jenna did not feel worthy at all.

She was broken from her musings when an inebriated Farkas collapsed into the empty chair across the table, he looked to her and gave a drunken smile, "You are thinking much to hard there Harbinger."

Jenna glared at him, "And you, _brother_ , should head back to Jorrvaskr and sleep it off, I'll not bail you out in the morning if you get tossed in jail with Torvar tonight. It's called 'Torvar's bail coin', not 'Farkas'."

Farkas laughed and waved her off, "Why aren't you over with the rest of us celebrating? There is more than just Kodlak's soul to rejoice about you know."

"What more could you possibly be celebrating?" Jenna already knew the answer he would give, and it made her feel ill.

"Why, your becoming the Harbinger of course! It's not every day we get a new one you know. It's a great honor." Farkas exclaimed, sloshing his tankard of mead some spilling onto the table between them.

Jenna bit back the guilt she felt and tried to give her shield-brother a smile, "Go on back to Jorrvaskr Farkas. Hulda is beginning to look flustered and I believe the festivities will soon be over."

The tall Nord looked around them and saw that Hulda was indeed beginning to go around a taking tankards out of people's grasp. He clutched his tankard to himself and stood, his knees wobbling a bit as he went. He gave Jenna a drunkard's salute and fled out of the door to avoid the confiscation of his mead. Jenna have a small chuckle at his swift exit before getting up from her seat and leaving the inn as well. The whelps could face Hulda alone, she could be one scary old hag when she wanted to be and Jenna was having no part of her wrath.

As she stepped out of the inn, Jenna took in the sky. The light's were an iridescent green tonight, they danced and curved through the stars, it was so peaceful and soothing. She decided to take a walk through the torch-lit town before heading back to Jorrvaskr, the fresh air would do her good and give her more time with her scattered thoughts. Some could call it brooding she supposed; but to Jenna it was a matter of the Companion's future and whether or not she was the right fit to lead them forward. She thought back to her life before joining the Companions. Back before dragon's and near beheadings, when she was a bright-eyed youngling sitting on her father's lap as he regaled stories of Ysgramor and his army. She would listen with rapt attention as he spun tales of glorious battles and the creation of the first circle. Jenna had been 7 years when she had told her papa that she wanted to be a Companion. She trained and worked hard for years to be allowed to leave home and join their ranks.

Now she was here, leader of the Companion's, and all she wanted to do was run away. It was to much. Everything had happened so fast. Skjor and Aela joined her to the circle as a wolf, then straight into battle with the Silver Hand only to have Skjor die and leave them thirsty for revenge. It was non-stop after that, Aela's rage fueled her own and the blood-lust of the beast did not help matters any. There was so much blood on her hands now, and when Kodlak had pulled her aside to warn her that he was aware of her and Aela's path he had such disappointment in his eyes that the white-haired girl's beast blood had practically frozen in her veins. She understood in that moment why her Harbinger and the twins felt it was a curse, and she had let it control her. In order to redeem herself, she had gone to do what Kodlak asked of her. But there was not stopping what her chosen path had caused, it _was_ all her fault, Vilkas had been right. And that was why Jenna did not deserve to be their Harbinger; Kodlak made a mistake.

She turned the corner behind Belethor's shop when she heard someone shift behind her. Jenna tensed but did not move to attack, she knew the person's scent, she would have known it anywhere.

"What do you want Vilkas?"

The said Nord came out of the shadows and away from the wall he had been leaning against, he looked calm but there was a tension in his silver eyes as they trained on her.

"I came to see why you have not come back to Jorrvaskr yet, everyone else has returned."

"I needed air." Jenna replied.

Vilkas scoffed, "Air... "

She glared at him, "Why do you care? I'll be back up there in a little while, I just need time alone." She turned from him with the intention of continuing on her way, but Vilkas blocked her path.

"He made you Harbinger for a reason."

Jenna glared up at the tall Nord before her, "His reason was unfounded, he made a mistake."

Vilkas grabbed her shoulders, glowering at her. Jenna continued to glare back at him but made no attempt to move. She waited for him to speak, wanting nothing more for him to say his piece then let her be on her way.

"Kodlak was a wise man, he did not often make mistakes… But perhaps in this instance you are correct."

The white-haired woman stiffened and then she snarled pushing Vilkas away from her.

"What? That was what you wanted to hear was it not? You, who dwell on such thoughts yourself, become defensive when someone else expresses the same?"

He got back in her space again and Jenna backed away until she hit the wall of Belethor's shop. He had her pinned, and he was yet to be finished.

"You have brooded since we returned from Ysgramor's tomb, it was not hard to know what you were thinking. He chose you over those more qualified and you don't feel up to task, he chose you despite the fact that you were the cause of his death."

Jenna flinched at the last statement, for it hit the mark and the guilt burned brighter at the truth being brought to light.

Vilkas sighed and back away a bit, "I suppose that would be my fault wouldn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Jenna whispered out.

"When you returned to Jorrvaskr after the attack I blamed you for Kodlak's death in a fit of rage and pain."

She lowered her head with a slight nod of acknowledgement, "Aye you did, but you were right, you had every right to be furious with me."

Vilkas gave her a pained look as he took her in. He felt responsible for her struggle to accept her role as Harbinger. Sure, he had felt slighted when Aela and her had informed him of the old man's decision, but he always trusted Kodlak's judgement, he would trust in this as well. For now he had to make things right with Jenna, he needed to help her see what Kodlak saw in her.

"That's just it though… It was not your fault. I was angry… Angry at my own inability to defend our home, I felt weak for allowing them to even reach the old man, no better than a pup. When you came into the hall, my rage got the better of me and lashed out at you." He bumped Jenna's chin to make her look up at him, "You were not to blame for his death."

Jenna jerked back from him again, the wall preventing her the needed space to get away further. She was angrier at him now than if he had just said it was her fault. She felt her beast blood boil, there was adrenaline coursing through her and she couldn't tell if she wanted to run from him or go for his throat.

"But you were right!" She hissed at him when he moved to argue, "It was my fault, they would not have attacked if it hadn't been for what I had done. I wanted revenge for Skjor just like Aela, but it was more than that."

She was breathing heavily now, the air around them was cool and crisp but to Jenna there wasn't enough, "Their blood, it called to me. I could practically taste it, and when they looked at me in fear…" She shivered, "My beast took pleasure in their deaths, I took pleasure from it even… That's why-" She choked.

"You fool."

Jenna's blurry eyes shot up to Vilkas, he stood there staring into her. There was a fire in his eyes that seared into her own, she waited for him to continue.

"You think that you are the only one to have given into the call of your beast blood?" He asked her softly, "We have all fallen to the blood at one time or another, even Kodlak. You killed Silver Hands, not such a horrible thing if you ask me. But me? I've taken innocence in my own blood lust. People that I cared for even; when the call got too strong to resist, their blood was just a sweet as anyone else's."

Jenna listened, she watched as an old pain glimmered briefly in Vilkas' eyes, it was gone as he pulled further away from her, "You are not as special as you believe yourself to be. We are all cursed with the blood and we have all done things we long to take back. Kodlak's death was not your fault. If you must blame something then blame your blood, because in the end that's all you can blame."

She thought about what he was telling her, with how many hours she had dwelt on her guilt, she had not stopped to think someone might understand. He was right, she was a fool. The air felt cooler suddenly and Jenna looked up to see that Vilkas was moving back further from her still as though he was about to take leave of her.

"Does that really help? Blaming it on the blood?"

He gave her a sad smile, "No. But it is a start… Harbinger."

Jenna tensed at the name again but shook it off, she returned his smile and walked towards him. They began their way back up to Jorrvaskr together in silence. While Jenna still did not feel up to par with Kodlak as Harbinger, she felt a bit more confident that just maybe she could be what he already saw in her… Someday at least. For now, she would rely on the help of the Circle and do everything she could to bring honor back to the Companions.

As they neared Jorrvaskr, Jenna thought back to the witch heads. She had all of them still, they sat in a barrel of salt in her room, if one was able to free Kodlak's spirit then maybe…

"Vilkas…"

The Nord turned back to her, "Aye?"

"What if we didn't have to blame it on the blood anymore?" Jenna asked casually as she climbed the steps past him.

"What do you mean?" He asked her cautiously.

She smiled at him, "We freed Kodlak from the beast with the head of a Glenmore witch right?"

He nodded waiting for her to get to the point.

"I still have four more heads preserved… Do you think… They might work for us as well?"

Vilkas froze and looked up at Jenna in shock. She smiled at him again only to give a startled yelp when the man flew passed her into Jorrvaskr, grabbing her on his way nearly yanking her arm off in the process.

"By the God's Vilkas! My arm is attached!" She grumbled out to the eager Nord.

"Then walk faster woman! We need to find Farkas."

"What for?" She asked him as she stumbled to keep up with this long strides.

"To wake his sorry arse up so that we can get to Ysgramor's tomb before day break. If he's to drunk, I'll kill him." Vilkas said with a slight growl, it wasn't angry, just excited.

Jenna tried to stop, pulling her arm out of his grasp, "Wait. You want to? Really?"

Vilkas stopped and turned to her, closing the distance between them, he grabbed her shoulders again and then did something completely unexpected. Jenna barely had time to gasp and her mouth was covered by the tall Nord's in front of her, it was brief but powerful and left Jenna's head reeling. He pulled away with a grin that made his face look years younger.

"You have a way of freeing us all from the curse, we've been searching out a way for years. Yes we are really going to do this and I am not leaving Farkas out so come on, let's get him and get going."

With that, he turned back and continued on down into the Companion's quarters. Jenna sat there stunned for a moment more and then grinned widely before racing down after him. She made her way to her room and prepared a bag for the heads. There was a loud thump and then a shout from down the hall. She shook her head and laughed, she felt lighter already. Once the heads were packed she went to meet the twins. She stopped again just outside of Kodlak's door, his room was silent and dark, but for the first time since his death Jenna was able to smile.

"Feast well and drink deep Kodlak, til we meet again in Sovngarde."

End


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